


Losing My Mind

by theratheller



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Mind Reading, Sam Knows, Sam is Cursed, Telepathy, Witch Curses, Witches, a routine hunt, curse, motw, set season 11-12 ish not specific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theratheller/pseuds/theratheller
Summary: After being hit with a curse Sam can hear Dean and Castiels thoughts. It goes how you’d expect.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you sure nothings happening Sam?” Castiel frowned at him from the backseat.

“I swear, I feel fine.” Sam shrugged and smiled encouragingly back at Cas through the rearview mirror.

“That bastard hit you with a spell, there’s no way you’re fine.” Dean said gruffly, glaring out at the road as he drove.

“Dean’s right. The effects may be slow to appear.”

“Well. We can deal with them once they do. For now, we have bigger things to worry about, like finding this guy.” Sam responded.

He was getting tired of their worrying. It had been like this ever since they’d driven away from their failed showdown with the witch.

“We know he’s meddling with peoples lives. Getting them to reveal their darkest secrets and causing chaos in the process. But we have no way of knowing who he’ll target next.” Castiel stated plainly.

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Noo. You think?” He muttered sarcastically at Cas.

Castiel squinted... or glared? Sam couldn’t tell.

“Hey man, come on, leave him alone.” He chastised Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes again.

This was gonna be a long case.

•

Their research that night led to no new leads, much to everyone’s dismay.

However, the next morning there something else that was of slightly more concern to Sam. Everything had been fine... until he woke up and saw Cas sitting there. In the same spot he had been the previous night, still doing research.

“Good morning Sam.” He glanced over and nodded. _‘He looks unharmed. The witch’s spell seems to not be showing it’s effects still.’_

Sam blinked. Castiel’s mouth had not moved for that last bit, and yet Sam had heard his voice. He stared at Cas who paid him no further attention.

He hurried away to the bathroom. Maybe he was just tired and delirious. Maybe it was just in his head and once went on a run and took a shower he’d be feeling back to normal.

He had no such luck however. In fact, things only got worse after Dean woke up.

Sam knew he should say something. He was going to say something while they sat at the small table in their motel room eating their crappy breakfast. But then he heard-

_‘Have his eyes always been that blue? ... It’s the light in here. But the tie never helps. Is that the same one he’s had all these years or what? He really needs to get some new duds. Can angels feel when clothes are uncomfortable or not? I wonder how he’d feel about a t shirt and flannel. He could borrow mine...’_

Images of Cas wearing one of Dean’s flannel shirts flashed through Sam’s head all of a sudden. Followed by a feeling of embarrassment and ? something else he couldn’t quite place. Feelings that didn’t belong to him.

He glanced over at Dean. Dean who was hyper-focused on the coffee in his hand right now. Despite his casual demeanour though, Sam could hear all the ramblings in his head, and even worse sense the ooey gooey feelings he was radiating right now.

Cas was even worse.

Actually, no... they were really as bad as each other.

_‘That much coffee can’t be good for him. He didn’t sleep well last night either. Restless.’_

_‘He needs to stop staring at me like that. All intense. I- Fuck. No. That’s your best friend man.’_

_‘He looks frustrated. He must be worried about Sam. Dean is beautiful even when he’s worried.’_

_‘He’s an angel, angels don’t feel those things.’_

_‘What would it be like to just- reach out-’_

_‘Why is he still staring at me. Fuck. Those eyes.’_

_‘No- I- Dean doesn’t like it when I intrude his personal space.’_

_‘Last time someone looked at me like that I got laid. Can’t believe I said that to him.’_

Jesus Christ.

Sam had always had questions about their ‘profound bond’ but he hadn’t prodded too much or spent too long thinking about it. He figured if there was something there they’d eventually realise it. But hearing it. Being in the middle of it.

These repressed idiots were going to drive him mad.

He rolled his eyes and tuned back into their thoughts for a moment. He was realising it was something he could focus in and out of, though he couldn’t block out the loud ones. No matter how much he tried. And- Oh god.

“STOP!” Sam stood abruptly, yelling out.

“Oh god. I need to bleach my brain.” He muttered out in horror, covering his face.

Cas and Dean looked up at him from their seats at the table with concern.

“Sam, are you hurt?!” Castiel stood, his eyes full of worry.

“Is it the spell?” Dean added on, equally frantic.

The waves of concern radiating off both of them hit Sam like a brick. It was overwhelming. But at least it wasn’t as jarring as what he’d seen just moments ago.

“I’m traumatised is what I am. And yes it is the spell.” Sam snapped.

The other two men looked at him questioningly. Clearly worried.

“I- I can hear your thoughts!” Sam continued, a tone of guilt seeping into his voice.

Cas and Dean’s faces paled over.

“And I have just seen some mental images I will never be able to get out of my head.” He shuddered.

Dean’s eyes widened further, while Cas tilted his head this time, confused.

“This is- You’re joking right?” Dean asked, his voice strained. He looked like he was going to bolt out the motel room door. Or pass out.

Sam stared back at him. “Nope.” He replied, deadpan. It wasn’t their fault he could hear their thoughts, but he couldn’t help but be irritated at them for the inconvenience.

“Well then what was I- actually okay- then what was Cas thinking about just then? Cas see if he gets it right.” Dean’s tone was defensive.

“Dean I- Uh” Cas stared at Sam with wide terrified eyes, a silent plea not to say anything.

“I’m not bullshitting you Dean I can hear your thoughts, I can sense your guys’ feelings, I can see -“ he shuddered in horror again “- all the images”.

Dean glanced up at him nervously at that.

Dean stood up promptly. He grabbed Sam by the arm and started roughly dragging him out of the motel room.

“Be right back Cas, me and Sam are gonna have a chat”. He quickly yelled out, leaving a confused Cas standing in the room on his own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sams suffering continues. Information about the case develops.

After a stern, panicked, and all around chaotic talking to from Dean; scattered with many threats of violence if Sam said a word to Cas; and an assurance that “It’s not what it seems like” that neither of them believed, Sam and Dean returned to a confused Cas. 

Thankfully he didn’t ask any questions. He was too busy trying to avoid eye contact with Dean and shooting Sam nervous looks. 

They settled into researching again with a renewed urgency. 

It was horrible.

Sam was drowning in the tension of the room. Cas and Dean actively trying not to think about each other was somehow even more exhausting than the outpouring of cheesy thoughts from earlier. He was trying as hard as he could to block out their thoughts, but the feelings of shame and repression pouring off Dean, and guilt from Cas... it was suffocating. 

Moments before he could throw himself out the motel room window and make a run for it, Cas spoke up. 

“Um Sam.” He tentatively started.

Sam looked up at him unable to keep the irritation off his face. 

“Can. Can we speak outside for a moment.” 

Not this again. 

Dean was too pointedly staring down at his laptop trying not to seem interested, but Sam knew that wasn’t really the case. 

_ ‘What’s this about, is it about me. Of course it’s not. What does he want to talk to Sam about. Does he know. What if he knows. He’s gonna leave he’s gonna leave again-‘ _

Sam rubbed at his eyes, sighing. 

“Cas I already know what you want to talk about. I can read your thoughts remember?” He responded.

Cas looked down quickly.

Sam softened his expression. 

“Cas it’s... it’s fine, okay? I won’t- You’re fine. Don’t worry.” He emphasised the second to last sentence hoping Cas would get the gist of it. He wasn’t going to tell Dean. It wasn’t his place to speak for either of them. Even if it was driving him mad. 

At this Castiel looked up at Sam nervously, but nodded once. Before continuing his research. 

A rush of warmth that wasn’t his own washed over him.  _‘He looks kinda cute when he’s all flustered like-‘_ wait. 

“Dean” Sam glared at Dean who was seemingly casually glancing over at Cas.

Dean’s eyes bolted over to Sam.

“Can you cool it?” Sam looked at him pointedly.

Dean’s face reddened, he cleared his throat and looked away.

Castiel glanced curiously between them but did not press for answers. 

•

It only got worse. After a relatively okay day spent interviewing townsfolk (none of whom’s thoughts were available to Sam), it suddenly got much worse. 

Sam had been to Hell, he’d been up against Lucifer himself. But in this moment the mind reading seemed worse. 

He thought Deans R-rated thoughts from earlier in the day had been bad enough. But nothing could have prepared him for Castiel’s not so angelic line of thinking when Dean had walked out of the shower; shirt clinging to his still wet skin. 

The string of images and acts which filtered through Castiel’s head in that moment. It started off innocent enough and Sam was going to let it pass but then...

Seeing Dean’s torrid fantasies about Cas had been one thing. But having to hear his best friend thinking- his own brother- he- 

“Oh god why- ” Sam blurted out loudly, his face pinched as if he were in pain. 

“God Cas. I’m right here! Come on man I thought you’d have better self control.” 

Castiel’s face progressed through several shades of red and he abruptly stood. 

“I- I’m so sorry Sam I- I should go.” 

Sam considered letting him leave. He felt bad but at least if they weren’t around each other, he would be spared the trauma of hearing his brother and his best friend think unholy thoughts about each other. The pining he could handle, but this was just... wrong. Oh so wrong. 

Before he could feel bad about letting Cas leave and change his mind, Dean intervened instead. 

“Hey no man. Cas, wait!” He rushed over to Cas.

This wasn’t gonna help. 

“Sam quit being a baby, I’m sure it wasn’t anything bad, it’s Cas what’s the worst he could have up there” Dean snapped, glaring at Sam. 

He was trying to conceal his thoughts but to no avail. He was curious. He was mad. But mostly he was scared. He was scared every time Cas left. 

Cas avoided eye contact with both of them, looking towards the door eagerly.

“Dean it may be best if I leave I-“

“Come on man, no, you’re staying.”

At this Cas tentatively looked up at Dean, frowning slightly.

_ ‘You wouldn’t want me to stay if you knew’_

_ ‘Please man, please. I can’t ask you stay again. Why do you always leave’  _

_ ‘I wish I could tell you. I wish- sorry Sam’ _

They both seemed to remember Sam’s presence at the same time, attempting to mask their thoughts. Dean began singing in his head while Cas spouted off Enochian. 

“I’ll stay.” Cas stated plainly, sitting down again.

“Good. Good, I- Okay.” Dean attempted to be casual. 

It was... heartbreaking. 

Sams prior irritation (and horror) was turning into pity. These two idiots. If only they could just tell each other how they felt. They could be happy. They deserved to be happy. 

“What?” Dean had noticed Sam staring in his direction with a gentle expression, furrowed brows. 

“I uh- nothing- I was just thinking about the woman we interviewed today.” 

“Thought she’d be a bit old for you” Dean quipped back, grinning.

“You really think it’s a good idea to mess with me right now Dean?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

At that Dean’s expression grew serious and a wave of fear washed over him. 

“Thought so. Anyways. She said she was being drawn to her neighbour Barry’s house right? But as soon as she told him the truth about her affair with his wife it stopped.” Sam continued carefully. 

“Drawn? In what way?” Cas questioned, a quizzical look on his face. 

“Drawn literally. Like a magnet. She would go to sleep and wake up pressed up against his front door.” Dean chuckled.

“Yeah so I was thinking. Maybe that’s how we break the spell. The other victims of the witch, they all died, but she lived because she revealed the truth. Maybe if the others had too they’d also be alive?” Sam continued. He would’ve seen it earlier if his mind hadn’t been so frazzled. 

“Okay so what truth do you need to reveal then?” Dean asked.

“I don’t think this about my truth.” Sam stated hesitantly. He glanced around awkwardly. 

At that both Cas and Dean paled. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean quickly blurted, looking away.

“Is there some other way to break the curse?” Cas asked quietly. 

“I guess we could find and kill the witch? Based on the previous victims I should still have a day or two left before things start getting, you know. Death-y.” Sam didn’t sound certain. “Or you could just-“

“No. Yeah let’s do that. We’ll find the witch and kill that son of a bitch.” Dean interrupted. “Good talk.”

Fear.

It radiated throughout the room off both of them. Fear of losing Sam, and fear of losing each other. Both through very different means. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all are enjoying this! Idk if it’s my best writing but I’m just having fun with it xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They kill the witch. But can they break the curse?

“They’re witch killing bullets you stupid son of a bitch.”

A shot sounded through the air.

The witch dropped.

A wave of relief flooded through Sam, as he fell onto the ground out of the witches magical grasp.

They’d done it. The witch was dead. He was free. He was finally free, his head was all his own, no more pining, no more images.

Dean immediately rushed over to Cas who had been blasted into a wall earlier.

“Cas are you okay?!” His voice was rough and panicked. He helped the angel up to his feet.

“Dean I’m fine” Embarrassment and warmth radiated off of Cas.

Dean’s worry subsided slightly, yet he didn’t remove himself from Castiel’s side. _‘He needs my help. He might be injured, he could be in shock, I gotta keep holding on. Has he always felt this toned? His arms are so-‘_

Oh no.

“Oh no.”

The two men looked up at him. “What now?” Dean asked. He still was holding onto Cas who at this point was clearly fine. Cas was blushing, enjoying the closeness. Yet Sam could also feel the guilt he was experiencing for enjoying it. Jesus Christ, these two.

Sam looked up and covered his face in frustration.

“I can still hear it all.”

At that, Dean stepped away from Cas. Sam could tell they both instantly felt the absence of each other.

“How?! We’ve killed the witch, the curse should be gone!” Dean barked in frustration.

“Guys. I don’t think the curse is going anywhere until it’s properly broken.” Sam tried not looking pointedly at either one of them. He didn’t want to pressure them.

But to be fair, his life was on the line here.

“No.” Dean stated forcefully.

At this point Cas finally spoke up. “Dean? Why do you think the curse has something to do with you?” His eyes widened. “You haven’t made another deal have you? Is that the truth that needs to be revealed?” Castiel’s voice travelled from concern to irritation.

“What? No. No.”

“Then what is it?”

Silence stretched out. They just stared at each other.

_‘Maybe it’s not something Dean is hiding, maybe it’s my feelings I need to reveal. I may lose Dean but at least him and Sam will both still be alive.’_

_‘I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. He’ll hate me. He’s my best friend. I can’t. It’s wro- No. I- No, it’s not wrong. But I- I am I- Cas is good and I’m not- I’m-“_ And then he heard John Winchesters voice echo through Dean’s head.

“Dean” Sam interrupted his line of thought forcefully.

Dean’s mind stopped spiralling. Snapping back into focus. Cas was still anxiously contemplating in his head, but right now Dean needed more help.

“Come outside with me for a sec” Sam gestured out the warehouse door.

“Sam n-“

“Come on. Just. Please”

Dean sighed and began walking out.

The gravel crunched under their feet as they stepped out. The only other sound being birds and cars in the distance.

“Just tell him Dean.” Sam sighed out.

Dean glared back at him wordlessly.

“It might go better than you think.”

At that Dean huffed out a humourless laugh. It was an angry sound, but Sam could hear the underlying pain.

“It’s not like tha-“

At that Sam quirked an eyebrow in frustration. Dean didn’t bother finishing the sentence, even he knew there was no use.

“Listen Dean, I don’t want to pressure you, this is something you need to work through on your own. But I’m kind of in a bind here man.” Sam stated apologetically.

Dean was glancing around, not making eye contact. Sam could feel the fear radiating off him, it was thick in the air.

“And for what it’s worth. As someone who can hear both yours and Cas’ thoughts. Believe me. It’ll go better than you think.” He felt guilty for even hinting at Castiel’s personal thoughts like that. Intrusive. But Dean needed a little nudge.

With that comment he finally got Dean to make eye contact with him. He could feel the wall begin to waver slightly, Dean thinking of coming around.

•

Sam had been standing outside the warehouse for what felt like forever. Leaning against the Impala.

It had taken a millennia to convince Dean to even talk to Cas. And despite having sent him back into the building a while ago, he still hadn’t made much progress.

Sam had been trying not to eavesdrop onto their thoughts but at this point, he was getting frustrated. So he listened to their conversation through each other’s minds, trying to not intrude on their actual thoughts too much.

“Dean I’m confused, why are you bringing up purgatory now?”

“I- Just listen okay.”

Sam sighed. So that was still going on.

Dean had seemingly taken the approach of recounting all the years he and Cas had known each other, and describing how much those times had meant to him. While it was a sweet sentiment he was sure taking his damn time getting to the actual point. One might even say he was stalling.

Sam tuned back in.

“I searched for you, because I just knew-“

“Dean please, while I appreciate all these kind words, why aren’t we trying to find a way to help Sam right now?”

“This is about that.”

“How? I- Listen. I think I know how to break the curse. It’s something I need to reveal.”

“Cas no it’s n-“

“I’m in love with you Dean.”

Silence.

_‘He’s not saying anything. He must be uncomfortable, he’s always seen me as a brother. But Sam is my friend and if this is what it takes to save him.’_

_‘Cas loves- he can’t have meant it like that. He’s an angel. He probably doesn’t understand-‘_

“Dean, I know you must feel uncomfortable right now. You see me as a brother. And I would have kept this to myself if it weren’t for the curse but I-“

They both went silent for a moment. Then that moment turned into a few minutes. Sam grew worried.

He began to pace back and forth outside the warehouse before finally caving and rushing in.

Oh.

Dean and Cas seemed to be preoccupied.

Their mouths were preoccupied more specifically. At that moment he realised he couldn’t hear their thoughts anymore, and boy was he grateful for that. If he could it might have been more scarring than any images he’d seen in either of their minds prior, judging by the happy noises Cas was making.

Sam began to laugh.

Cas and Dean jumped apart. Looking at him dazed. Castiel’s hair was somehow messier than usual, which seemed an impossible feat. Dean on the other hand had an uncharacteristically shy smile plastered on his face, which he kept attempting to wash away with a serious face.

“What’s so funny?” He gruffly asked.

“Nothing it’s just-“ He stifled a giggle “-true loves kiss saved the day.” Sam snorted out.

Dean glared at him.

“Are you still experiencing the effects of the curse?” Cas interjected before Dean could snap.

“Nope. Looks like that’s all it took. I’m free.” Sam replied gleefully.

“I’m glad, and I’m sorry. I’m sure the last few days have been... odd” Cas smiled at him embarrassedly.

“Hah. That’s one word for it. It’s fine Cas I’m just glad you guys sorted your stuff out.” Sam smiled back.

“Yeah yeah, it’s all great. Now Sammy, you can find your own way to the motel.” Dean remarked, interrupting the positive back and forth.

“What, why?”

“Me and Cas have some talking to do on the drive back and you’ve done enough snooping into our heads lately.”

“That was a curse, it’s not like I could help it.” Sam huffed.

When Dean only stared back at him with an impatient look Sam sighed.

“Fine, whatever, I’ll find my own way back. You two have your heart to heart.”

“- or whatever it is you’re planning on doing” Sam added on at the end as he began to make his way out.

At that he surprisingly got a laugh from Cas.

If third-wheeling before they’d sorted their shit out was bad, from now on it was going to be even worse, Sam realised as he stepped out.

But as he saw Cas and Dean follow him out hand in hand, he didn’t need telepathy to see how much happiness was radiating off them in that moment.

He decided he could cope with being the third wheel if it meant more of that and less of the pain. They deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it’s done! I hope you enjoyed this lighthearted little fic, it’s probably not the best written but I had fun with the concept!
> 
> Xx

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve got other stuff I’m working on but I wanted to write something silly and light hearted! Enjoy xx


End file.
